How to Train Your Customers

“Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because a dog is smarter than its tail.

If the tail were smarter, the tail would wag the dog.”

It’s the early 20th century, and the streets of London are bustling with a peculiar sort of frenzy. A young department store magnate, Harry Gordon Selfridge, has just coined the phrase “the customer is always right.” The idea is extremely favourable to both the seller and the buyer, respect the consumer and they’ll come back for more. But a century later, those very customers we placed on pedestals have matured into apex predators of skepticism. Traditional marketing was all about forced persuasion but its future lies in understanding the friction between the customers' now coded resistance and curiosity. This tension reflects the push-and-pull nature of human psychology, and the long list of paradoxes that come with it. But to the savvy customer, resistance is safer than the off chance of losing autonomy once again through forced persuasion. The challenge for marketers isn’t in an attempt to overcome these contradictions. It’s to use them and the fragility of the individual's perception to create rather beautiful subterfuge strategies. It is to some extent morally questionable….but, think of it as a science experiment that allows you to try and override the perception of cognitive evolution. The sheer number of these paradoxes will only continue to pile up as societies evolve and the self climbs Maslows pyramid of needs. The objective here is to temper the human desire for freedom with the allure of comfort by bypassing cognition. It is what makes persuasion, subterfuge, deceit, marketing and manipulation so remarkably incomprehensible to the unassuming majority of a population. You know how they say every cloud has a silver lining? Well it’s a phrase often rolled out to console and inspire, so allow me to inspire you. Below are seven of the most prominent ones, each a reflection of the modern buyer’s psyche and an opportunity to innovate within their friction. The Authenticity vs. Hyper-Curation Paradox We claim to value the genuine but are so easily seduced by the polished. The airheads to whom society refers to as ‘high maintenance’ are just victims of hyper-curation. They flock to seamless branding, aesthetic consistency and meticulously curated experiences. But why? Authenticity alleviates cognitive dissonance. The former is nothing but a priming effort that hyper-curates every aspect of an ecosystem surrounding a brand or a product. Remember Dove’s “Real Beauty” campaign? It celebrated authenticity under perfect lighting with airbrushed imperfections that appeared flawlessly raw. The Paradox: Authenticity should feel organic but remain intentional. The Resolve: Reveal imperfections that humanize your brand but don’t undermine its competence. Build a playpen for your customers. The Personalization vs. Privacy Paradox However gentle, data collection triggers psychological reactance; a strong negative reaction to a perceived loss of control. If the customer perceives data collection as a value exchange, they’re more likely to comply. So while Spotify Wrapped feels deeply personal, it’s just a clever display of data you unknowingly fed them all year. Transparency was never an ethical move, it was a highly strategic one crafted to exchange data for a “personalized” experience. “Give us your preferences for better recommendations” is always a fun game to play with authentic consumers. Just take a look at Hermèss’ customer relationship model and how it translates into their year on year increasing prices. The Paradox: A set of rules that allows both players to win. The Resolve: Don’t ask, instead prime an offer that can’t be refused. The Connection vs. Individuality Paradox

It’s easier to insult the intelligence of the collective rather than an individual. Here’s why; a tension manifests within each one of us between ‘belonging’ and ‘self-expression’. Now social proof has proved time and again that it’s easier to become a tyrant or cult leader than it is to build a stable democracy. The collective is an abstraction. It lacks the personal sanctity of the individual, making it easier to attack. Yet ironically, the collective’s strength lies in its ability to shape the individual's identity thus wielding the power of belonging. The "I-Thou" dynamic articulates this beautifully where connections define the self, both at moments of genuine dialogue or indifference. Coca-Cola’s “Share a Coke” campaign implemented it beautifully. They printed the most common names on bottles, making a large population feel special for millions of Sarahs and Mikes shared the same “unique” drink. 

The Paradox: “I am unique within my group” The Resolve: Customizable Collectivism; personalize elements of shared experiences. The Trust vs. Skepticism Paradox Inarguably the most pressing paradox, trust is fragile while skepticism is rigid. “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours” only works if the field is levelled so let’s start there. Trust hinges on reciprocity, a “safe until proven dangerous” model. But scandals remain top of mind, even if their occurrence is statistically rare. The Nestlé baby formula scandal of the 1970s left deep scars in marketing ethics when the company aggressively promoted infant formula in developing countries as a superior alternative to breastfeeding, despite evidence that formula use, in areas with unsafe water, led to malnutrition and infant deaths. 40 years later and the company is still amongst the top 10 boycotted brands. The Paradox: Performative transparency isn’t a dirty word, it’s survival. The Resolve: Negate skepticism first. Then confirm trust. It’s a matter of knowing when to cut your losses once exposed.

The Sustainability vs. Convenience Paradox

Convenience delivers a dopamine hit reinforcing instant gratification. People wax lyrical about saving the planet until it inconveniences them. Sustainability is a distant idea with abstract benefits, making it less emotionally compelling. But at the end of the day the elephant in the room is that sustainability costs far more than convenience in most cases. So while fast fashion brands introduce “conscious collections” to appear eco-friendly, the majority of their inventory remains cheap polyester. The Paradox: The eco-conscious dopamine hit is a complete marketing ruse. The Resolve: Design for defaults. The Simplicity vs. Complexity Paradox Simplicity aids decision making because of featherweight information but complexity allows competence. The former is a target of substitution; a good design at a low price must surely be made of poor material with a short life, sweatshops in China have conditioned us to think that way. IKEA’s flat pack design furniture is inviting because of its minimalism but once you open the assembly manual, symptoms of a migraine are inevitable. The same goes for technology and UI/UX. The iOS interface is seamless till you realise the complexity and choice presented in its finer settings. The Paradox: Efficiency versus proficiency. The resolve: Incremental disclosure is easier to digest. The Empowerment vs. Dependence Paradox

Empowerment in marketing has been a rising trend as brands position themselves as enablers, helping consumers feel confident, informed, and in charge of their choices. Dependence is built into convenience. The paradox emerges when these two forces conflict. Empowering customers inherently gives them the ability to leave or opt out. However, for brands to remain profitable and retain loyalty, they need to create a structure that subtly discourages independence. The most common and widely used is the ‘subscription’ mental model, where users learn to anticipate and expect. Another subtle use of this paradox is in OTC medication. Just take a look at how often and widely antacids are consumed. Antacids are marketed as immediate relief without acknowledging long term triggers like stress or diet, making TUMS seem like a healthy dietary supplement.

The paradox: Empowerment is the first step to create dependency.

The Resolve: Create a secondary indirect value and the dependency becomes multi-layered.

The customer, as skeptical and self-assured as they may be, is still driven by the basic instincts as articulated within the above paradoxes. To navigate this terrain requires more than clever slogans or flashy campaigns. Think of it as a tightrope between persuasion and manipulation, but the tightrope is so high off the ground that it is invisible to the naked eye. The rope has to be tightened every once in a while to keep us marketers from falling to our deaths.

The world can be overstimulating for the buyer and the competition is becoming increasingly intimidating for the seller. But these paradoxes are dynamic. The power constantly jumps back and forth between the two. Taking control of the situation would mean letting the tail believe it’s wagging the dog.